I forgot to mention as soon as I set foot back in Glasgow that I've these two framed ink and pencil drawings looking for new homes. They are approx 32cm x 57cm and 45 cm x 60cm and each come in their own freaking beautiful bespoke frames (I think I might love these frames more than life it's self, sad but true). Anyways, they are £180 each (or best offer) so drop me an email if your interested in either and we'll talk shop. Or something.

Prints Charming

Prints Charming Flyer

I'll be having a few prints in the lover-ly Welcome Home Prints Charming show this month in Glasgow. It's got a load of beauties by a range of artists all coming in at under just twenty tiny pounds each. Christmas bargins a-go-go, init.

The opening is tomorrow at 6.30pm. Come on over and have a wine or two or three and we can go out on the lash afterwards just like jesus wanted.

ps. If I have to spend the rest of the day with Prince Charming in my head so do you.

Your welcome.


and the winner is....

and the winner is

Well-ity well-ity, that was quite exciting! For me at least. I think I monentarily forgot that this is a GIVEAWAY I really haven't a hope in hell of winning.

But anyways, without further ado, the winner picked by random.org is...


Congrats Allison, email me you address at... hello [at] carolynalexander [dot] co.uk and I'll get it posted out pronto.

Merci beau cul.



A few new bits and pieces up on my website including more 'What I Wore's and this piece for the wonderful Advice To Sink in Slowly project, as seen on ze guardian and creative review. It's an ongoing series of posters designed by graduates for the purpose of passing on advice and inspiration to first year students. Lucky bastards.




I've just almost simultaneously noticed there are over 50 of you darling folks following my crappy blog AND found the last ever copy of the now sold out Haughty Bitches under my sister's bed. Cause for a GIVEAWAY* I do believe. My first in fact, so I'll throw in a Family Portrait print and a couple of badges for good measure.

So yep, throw down a comment or two and I'll randomly select winner at 5pm on Friday 20th. Or if only one of you comments you can just have it. Or if none of you comment I'll give it to my mum. She's a fan of expletives.

*Its physically impossible to type the word GIVEAWAY in lowercase, honestly.

drive by


A word of warning... Learner drivers are not sleepy slow safe little numbers you can waltz on past without care in the world as I once thought. They are actually unpredictable jumpy little fuckers and if you run out infront of them you will likey die. Therefore, STOP RUNNING OUT IN FRONT OF ME WORLD, or I WILL kill you.

merry fucking christmas to one and to all

christmas cards

Got me some new christmas cards in m'shop that you can purchase ici should you be that way inclined. Each one is hand painted with love (and sweat and tears and copious amounts of tea and Gilmore Girls) on spangly gold card with a spangly gold envelope included. Good times.


what I wore a long time a go


I few 'what I wore's I did ages ago and have only just got round to scanning in. I made them when I had just arrived back in Glasgow - and been almost immediately ambushed by driving lessons and merry reunions - hence the fear in my eyes and general air of hungover-ness.




two fingers in the nose

I've been a bit absent of late thanks to lack of scanner* so just thought I'd pop on to let everyone know I'm alive and driving is two fingers in the nose ie. a piece of piss. Kind of. Apart from when its hard. And apart from when I'm endlessly stalling. Er, yeah.

*Even though there is a public library avec scanner just about next door. I'm lazy but I intend to SORT THAT SHIT OUT. Don't worry.


"How Glasgow is alright really" reason numero uno

good morning

Chocolate dipped in chocolate (with a chocolate centre) for breakfast is all well and good... but sometimes flowering jasmine-arch green tea and a fuckload of bananas is just better. Sorry France.


What I Wore n shit


The last couple What I Wore's until I arrive in Glasgow, find a scanner, and sober up.

See all my contributions here and everybody else's (theres tons) here. Oh and a wee thank you to Gemma for featuring me on the blog as well, shes dead nice like that.


Clinkity clink


During my trip to Toulouse last week I learnt many things. I learnt that Champagne plus Rose plus Red plus Pint equals some very energetic and unbelievably sophisticated dancing. I also learnt that Toulousain sausage is probably THE BEST sausage, ever. I think I learned to drive - by pretending in my head that it was actually me and not Raph who was driving the 12 hour round trip (whilst making car noises). I did that pretty much the whole time apart from when i was sleeping. Pretending to drive in your head is exhausting. Anyways, we'll see how well that one pans out in my first driving lesson on Thursday. Be afraid people of Glasgow, be very afraid.

Probably the most important thing I learned though was something I already knew, and just needed reminding of. That is if you are going to clink glasses with a french man you must stare unblinkingly into their eyes whilst clinking or risk 7 years no sex. Some take this VERY SERIOUSLY. So don't fuck it up.

RE not cool

I tried to give RE verbs a proper go this week but I still have absolutely no idea how to use them. I think I was a tad preoccupied by trying to organise my imminent trip to Glasgow. And getting the bit of cake making my delete button stick out from under my keyboard. And trying to keep hyperactive dying wasps THE FUCK away from me. Its a hard life.

Anyways, expect to see more of these dirty bastards in the near future... here's PERDRE (to lose) to wet your appetites.



procrastination factor LEVEL TEN


My levels of procrastination hit a new high today thanks to Gemma Correll's new wee flickr group. Unfortunately (or fortunately perhaps) its too hot here to wear anything other than a wee shitey sun dress so I went for it on the "crabbit face" area instead.

Also - I know I'm a tad late with this weeks French learny-ma-bob. I was in Toulouse for a bat-shit-crazy-AMAZING party for four days so I mostly just concentrated on learning to shimmy in high heels without falling in the apples and how to talk champagne induced crap. In TWO languages no less! (English AND Gibberish). I was going to give you a step by step guide but I'm pretty sure you know how already. You pro.


supersuper SUPERSWEET

supersweet online shop window

My work for SUPERSWEET's shop has just went live in all its ravey glory. See more of m'drawings ici or go a shopin' là-bas. Hurray for shoes!

A Book of Haughty bitches has been sold out for a good while now but its only just occured to me to put the book in its entirety up on my website. It's up now though for anyone who never got to see the book in the flesh.


NEWS bulletin?


A quick update in non-french learning related news since I've been neglecting you...

* I was so amazing in the vegetable queue last week I even out maneuvered three French tourists and an old lady. Whats that smell you say? Its the smell of VICTORY. Suck on that, France.

* my back side is now three and half times darker than my front side thanks to continuous falling asleep whilst sunbathing.

* I have consumed 3,632 Magnum ice creams since the start of June.

OK. I was sure there was more happening in my life. Apparently not.

I.R. shmI.R.

michel thomas

It came to my attention when making this weeks "learning" that I've never really bothered about IR verbs at all before. I know OF them. And I do try to use them occasionally - although evidently not well. But until now I hadn't a clue how they worked. I think I've just been pretending they were ER verbs all this time - AMATEUR'S MISTAKE.

To abate the feelings of shame and self loathing this discovery awoke in me (for a good 7 minutes) I decided to listen to a Michel Thomas tape (thats 'mee-shell') - the "most sought after language teacher in the world" for a whole morning. I can't be sure how much I learnt from him but I can be sure that he is a properly amazing catty little bitch. When his students on the tape - who are quite frankly, crap - make mistakes he tuts and shouts and is obviously finding it hard to not draw his hand across their ungrateful faces. This is why I love him. I want to find his idiot students and slap them too. Vive la Thomas!

Anyways, a few IRs to ease my conscience...





say what?

You can learn all the verbs you like in France but your still not going to understand what the fuck the French are talking about. They like to use bizarre little phrases that literally make NO SENSE unless you are french and in the know. I shall help you out with two, after that you're on your own. Well, until I tell you more which I undoubtedly will. In about three days time.

Anyway. First off.

Tombe dans les pommes.
tombe dans les pommes

Fall in the apples. Which you use if your going to faint. As in, "ho bitch, stop talking and get me a chair, I'm going to fall in the apples" or "yeah and then I vomited and fell in the apples". Seriously, I don't even know any other way to say "faint". Once I had to say this to a sales assistant who was talking me to death trying to sell me £60 fake tan. And then I had to buy the fucking fake tan afterwards to try and make her forget the fact I'd just fainted in her shop and talked weird shit about apples.

Second up.

Tu me prends la tete.
tu me prends la tete

Your taking my head. Kind of like "your being really fucking annoying" which is a little more logical. I haven't used this one yet but I hear it all the time. Usually directed at me when I'm asking questions about French. My boyfriend is so nice. Arse.

ps. I do realise we kind of do this in English too. But I don't need to learn English, so I'm ignoring it. Tu me prends la tete.


pillows and aprons and bags, oh my


Envelop are printing some of my drawings on their excellent wares, take a looky over here and feast your hungry eyes. More bits and bobs shall be added in the coming weeks so if you've any favourites let me know and I'll see what I can rustle up.


whoop that trick

I'm not home this weekend so I can't upload my weekly learnings until monday. To tide you over till then, (seeing as you've already learnt French with Brett and Jermaine) you can learn to throw down with Whoopi, courtesy of the amazing Rebecca Davies. See more of her awesome stuff at eyeballbuffet and weep with joy.

Heather, Im Dry ---- Dolby Anol remix from rebecca davies on Vimeo.


A is for AIMER


This week I've been giving the ol' ER verbs a once over again - thats verbs of the First Conjugation to those of you who give a crap. I quite like ER verbs but they evidently do not like me. I tend to think of them as a piece of piss - the one thing (apart from kissing grannys) that I've got down. This is until I'm rudely reminded that they're not as easy if you want to talk about anything that isn't happening right now this very minute - which is surprisingly often. That said, they're much friendlier than RE verbs. THEY are little shitting bandits.

Aimer is a good place to start with the ERs. It's much easier to say you like something and then be left alone to drink your cocktail in piece than say you don't like something. Then you have to explain why not. And that means a conversation more than two sentences long. Big NO-NO. Thats why I like everything in France. Apart from mushrooms.

Anyways, have you met my good friend AIMER? No?

Then let me introduce you...





I made this as a bit of fun really seeing as it's already the last day for dazed/reiss's 1971 competition and I've kind of missed the boat. I wanted to celebrate the ACE HAIR. Because lets face it, it was ace.

You can vote here if you are so inclined. If your not so inclined, you can go to here instead.



poor effort


Unsurprisingly, one week in and I'm already slacking off. I've ran out of time this week to make a proper contribution to my new resolution, so I've cheated a bit and scanned in a page from my jotter of stupid rules I'm making to help me memorise all of France's fuckery. To be fair, I was awfully busy eating ice cream and watching FRIENDS dubbed in French AND its my birthday tomorrow. So I'm going to kick off celebrations early and fuck off sunbathing. Next week will be better. I PROMISE.

Also, apologies in advance for dropping the C bomb in there (I've triangled it out to lessen offence) I didn't intend for it to see the light of day when I was making it, it was just amuse my ridiculously easily amused self. You can blame my unbeatable laziness for that. I might as well apologise for the crap Rihanna joke while I'm at it. Enjoy.

Let me introduce you to the horrible world of PRONOUNS...

An admittedly poor effort this week.

ps. To make up for my piss-poor effort let me put you in the direction of these two hot tricks, who will teach you at least half a dozen french words. Guaranteed.


And another thing..

french harry

..the covers for French Harry are a good 25 hundred times better than the British ones, which to be honest, I find pretty woeful. Pull your socks up Britain.

I swear thats my last post of a Harry Potter nature for a good while. Though lucky for me - and maybe for you - my latest obsessing has put me onto the illustrator Jean-Claude Götting, with whom I'm now rather smitten. Makes me want to break out the paint.


Yum. See more of his work over here.


I learn French, you learn French


This past week I've been frantically trying to actually learn French. In part because its about fricking time, but mostly because I'm getting taken to see Harry Potter in French tonight I want to be able to understand the words not just see the pictures. I'm a bit of a Harry Potter sad case thanks to a bout of toncilitus many moons ago so this is a big deal for me, you could even go so far as to say it is vitally important for my continued well being. Perhaps a tad over dramatic (and a lie) but its what got my boyfriend to agree to take me. And since he's going to the trouble to drive me to another town to see it we shall all ignore my equally fanatical sister's email declaring the new one to be "fucking shite".

Aside from this vitally important reason, I've also noticed people are starting to get a bit impatient with my inabiltiy to "get it" - as my kind sympathetic friend pointed out this week - I've had 5 years rather than 3 days to try. At least once a day I find myself scrabbling for excuse to why my french is crap that doesn't include me being stupid and lazy. Everyone that passes my vicinty has a story about someone they know who is can speak fluently "With. Out. An. Accent" (French people like to talk staccato to make life more dramatic.) within a year of living in France. To which I must try to reply, red faced and in my thick Scottish accent while fighting the urge to seek out said amazing person and smack them in the face with a baguette for showing me up. It would appear that I'm not - as I previously believed - going to just pick it up. I won't wake up fluent one day or have a miraculous moment where everything just clicks into place. The books must come out and some effort must be made.

So this week the books did come out and I quickly remembered why they had stayed in for so long. Its because its really fucking boring. My most often used excuse not to study is that I'd rather be drawing instead, so I've begun turning my excercise book into a sketch book, and turning my learning into drawings. I've also been writing bitchy remarks about how shite French is in my notes which cheers me up greatly but that's by the by.

I think I'll share my progress with the world (all 3 of you) once a week to motivate me, seeing as I don't take well to public humiliation and that worked so well with the quitting of smoking.

First up..

Three Irregular Verbs That Do My Fucking Head In.




By the way, should you actually learn anything from this (not likely) you can show your appreciation by sending Greggs Stake Bakes to me at Carolyn Alexander, The Mountain What Where I Live, 73210, Franceland.

Similarly, if you should find your knowledge of French actually decrease (more likely) because of this, feel free to send hate mail to imsosorry@carolynalexander.co.uk



Attempt number 23, 701 at some Threadless action. If you care to do me a solid and make a wee votey here I'll be eternally grateful for at least 10 minutes. Forehead kisses, shoulder squeezes and free holidays to France all round! Hurrah!

clickity click


60+ Years


My board for Zara Arshad's ace 60+ Years project - which aims to creatively commemorate the 60th anniversary of UDHR (Universal Declaration of Human Rights): the first global expression of rights to which all human beings are inherently entitled. See more fabbity contributers on her flickr over here.




This old news for all you hip dwellers of Britain but for a dweller of mountains this is happiness factor level 10. I found all the pieces of the fabbity new coins (designed by mr Dent) on my last visit to Scotland. They are so pretty and clever it makes the loser inside me weep.

You lucky bastard Britons don't know how good you've got it. Euro's are pish.


palette cleanser

palette cleanser

Here you go, wash you mouth out with these bad boys to rid yourself of that nasty celebrity taste in your mouth left over form yesterday.

Feel better? Good.


3 reasons why Megan Fox is good


1. She looks a bit like my cousin.
And I like my cousin.

2. She's got good eyebrows.
And eyebrows are hard, just ask this number.

3. She just taught me 15 new french words.
Not personally - but that's not to say she couldn't (ok she probably couldn't). I actually learned 15 new French words from a two page article on Megan Fox in Public - a sort of French version of Heat Magazine, and my new best friend. Finally I can embrace my shameful lust for celebrity gossip because its teaching me things! Thank you Public! (And Megan Fox)

ps. Yes I do realise I just wasted some of my precious life force drawing a drawing of Megan Fox that doesn't even really look like Megan Fox, but after learning 15 new French words my brain is pretty much on shut down for the rest of the day.

pps. In case you were wondering:
caractère bien trempé
limite vulgaire
Shia LaBeouf



good hats

I have the impression the villagers on the mountain what where I live don't really get/like/give a fuck about my nice dresses and shoes. I am wasted on them. I could be wrong.